Photographs
by anonabella
Summary: When did this feeling started to grow? I remembered myself staring at those amber-colored eyes, trying to find a way to his heart. The next thing I knew, he has found his way to mine. Rating went up.
1. Chapter 1

The color of his eyes, the shape of his face, the way he run his fingers through his curls... I remember all these things vividly as if those three years did not happen. But these feelings in my heart, I don't remember having them three years ago.

**NOTE: timeskips, spelling and grammar errors, OOCness,**

** drabble-ish... but it's just the narrator narrating, **

** semi-Lovino's POV (at least those in italics), **

** unecessary use of parentheses, long sentences,**

** obvious manipulations to make the story sound canon**

** (seriously, toy boats?)**

_HUMAN AU. Antonio is Lovino's older step brother. One day, he returns from college._

_PHOTOGRAPHS_

Lovino is sitting on the floor of his room, his back leaning on his bed and holding a small bundle of pictures. He is currently staring at a particular photo showing a guy with a toothy grin, wearing a black graduation robe and perhaps, his school building in the background. Apparently, the photograph was an attempt of self-portrait. He flipped the picture and read...

Dear Lovino,

At last, I've graduated from college. YAY~ Three years went by fast, huh? I missed you so much, Lovi! I can finally go home this summer, so we can play lots~ See you soon!

Love,

Antonio

After reading and rereading the letter for a while, Lovino finally arranged the photos in the small bundle and pulled a cardboard box from under his bed. He placed the parcel inside the box and pushed it back to the darkness of under the bedstead. He then glanced at his watch. He grinned. He couldn't help it.

_Three years. I wonder what has changed..._

About five minutes later, he was sitting at the backseat of their family car (an old, but well-cared mini cooper), his heart racing in anticipation of seeing his elder brother again. It has been three years since Antonio decided to go to college dorm-school in France. Since then, Lovino had not heard much of his "Hermano" aside from postcards and photographs that he would send him once in a while. So obviously, he missed the bastard. Not that the Italian would verbally admit it though. It has been embarassing enough that Lovino would send a response for every three mails from Antonio, which resulted to the Spaniard sending letters more frequently through the last half of his stay away from home (yeah, took him a year and half to realize his little brother's pattern).

"Are you hungry dear?" Antonio's mother (Lovino's step-mother) smiled sweetly at him from the passenger's seat, passing a sandwich. She was a very caring and supportive mother, in Lovino's opinion. It seems Antonio got his bubbly personality from her.

After handing the sandwich to Lovino, Mrs. Carriedo ("Call me 'Mama', silly boy!") chat with her husband. Mr. Carriedo, meanwhile is kind of strict and domineering character. He's very soft-spoken and a bit cold. Lovino vaguely remembers him and Antonio having a fight or two.

But nonetheless, the three of them are off to fetch Antonio and his things from the dorm school. It was Mrs. Carriedo's idea, actually but it just so happened that the two other guys realized that they haven't much to do that day so, why not? It's not like they missed the young Spaniard as much as his mother does...

Anyways, after a quite long ride, they reached the dorm-school. And right outside the gates, an anxious Antonio has been looking really jumpy right then and there. He was accompanied (of course) by his best friends, the pervert*cough*Francis and the vain*cough*Gilbert. Those three decided that their intestines were tied together or something so they never left each other's side ever.

"How lovely, those three really get along well!" Mrs. Carriedo gleefully commented. Mr. Carriedo only grunted (in a very annoyed manner) in response while Lovino stayed oddly quiet. That very moment, he caught Antonio's eyes and his mind went suddenly blank...

_He looks no different. Not even a day older than 18. But... is he really the same? It's been three years, after all..._

"Toño~ yoohoo!" Mrs. Carriedo threw her arms around her taller son's neck and (strangled) embraced him. She had stray tears on her eyes as she shower her son with pecks and smooches. Antonio, meanwhile was still staring at Lovino for a brief moment, until he saw his father's looming figure. He quickly averted his gaze and nooded briefly at the man then decided to focus on his Mama.

Somehow, Lovino felt neglected.

_Ahh... that's right. It has been three years. There's no reason for things not to be different from before._

"Yo, Lovino~" Francis mused.

"Hey, Mr. Brother," greeted Gilbert.

"H-Hi..." Lovino answered lamely. He still never got the hang of his brother's circle of friends, and he doubts he could ever get it. So he just stared blankly at the towering guys.

"Woah, you look like some lovestruck chick!" exclaimed the Germa- sorry, I mean, Prussian. "So, you find me that awesome?"

Lovino glared at the offender, who misunderstood the hateful stare.

"Oh, Lovino, I know. I know you're envious that only the awesome me is given by Gott this kind of awesome awesomeness-"

"Just shut up, freak..." the Italian whispered to himself in defeat of the albino's vanity. The self-declared Prussian just continued to rant (to no one in particular, really) about his self-decalred awesomeness.

"Why the long face, Lovino?" the bearded bastard asked.

"None of your business," grumbled Lovino. He doesn't feel like talking about his uneasiness, most especially to the ones causing half of it.

"Ohh, how feisty~" the blond snickered as he realized where the Italian was glaring. Lovino loathed the sound of Francis thoroughly enjoying his dilemma, but he said nothing about it.

Suddenly, Mr. Carriedo coughed loudly and gestured his family to get their asses in the car already, all the while not sparing as much as a glimpse to the blond and white-haired outsiders. Mrs. Carriedo happily skipped to the car while Antonio gave apologetic glances at his friends. Lovino lazily sat at the backseat (though it is only just to hide his eagerness to sit beside Antonio). Lastly, Antonio heaved his rucksack on the trunk and sat beside Lovino.

Then Mr. Carriedo started the car.

The ride home was stiffly silent, only broken by a few Mrs. Carriedo's musings which were quickly dismissed by her husbands one-word responses. Meanwhile, in the backseat, Antonio also tried to strike a conversation a few times but Lovino was being Mr. Carriedo-ish as well.

"Hi, Lovi," Antonio would start.

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"So, did you miss me?"

Lovino would then feel really warm in the face and the neck, and would hit the Spaniard hard on the head instead of answering. The conversation would then end briefly, only to be started again after the next mile.

_It's awkward. Everything is awkward. I feel that I shouldn't act the way we were before._

But in the end, Antonio realized that he wouldn't get any answers from Lovino, so he just said...

"But I missed you, Lovi..." he whined childishly.

And Lovino would blush even darker and refused to speak until the end of the ride.

_...Don't make me feel like I'm the only one who feels awkward, dammit...!_

When they arrived home, Mr. Carriedo politely excused himself back to his room, Mrs. Carriedo went to the kitchen to cook lunch and Lovino was left to help Antonio fix his things.

"No worries, Lovi! I can manage!"

"Shut up!"

And so he did.

"I... I-I m-mi... I m-mean..."

Lovino looked up to see the Spaniard staring intently at him. This did not help.

"I m-missed you too," Lovino finally said. "Bastard," he added in relish. When he looked up again at Antonio, he saw him wearing a very soft smile.

_Three years. Is it really a long time? We were no different from before, weren't we?_

Antonio patted Lovino's head and then ruffled his hair, earning an annoyed "H-Hey..!" from the little Italian which he brushed off with a chuckle.

"You've grown," he solemnly said.

Indeed. Lovino is now the same height as the Spaniard's eyebrows. He used to be a head shorter than Antonio, by the way. And also, he is now turning 18, the age when Antonio left the house...

"Of course I've grown, you retard." Lovino growled. "What else would I have been doing these past three years?"

"Uhhm," Antonio hummed thoughtfully, or as thoughtfully he could. "You could be, hmmm, praying, cooking, tending our garden or, let's say, writing letters~"

"Wr-Writing letters?" the Italian uneasily repeated.

"That's right, writing letters. Like, ehem, 'Dear Antonio, I've received your last postcard, alright. Its really cold here right now, but I guess it's colder there, right? Don't get sick or else- gyahhh!" Antonio gagged as Lovino found himself shoving his fingers up the taller man's nose.

"S-Stop it, stop it right now, you b-bastard...!" Lovino shakily warned.

"But it's funny~"

"SHUT UP! It's embarassing! Why'd you have to memorize all those crap!"

"Ohh! How d'you know I memorized everything?" Antonio aked, thrilled.

"Damn it! It was a rhethorical question! S-SO, you actually-?"

"Yep! And I kept it with me all the time~"

"No, don't. Throw them away. Burn them!"

"But Lovi-"

"I don't care... Burn them! Or I would!"

"What about my postcards Lovi, did you keep them?"

"Food's ready dears!" Mrs. Carriedo called from the kitchen. This stopped the bickering of the stepbrothers but suddenly they realized their compromising position. That is, Lovino still has his fingers shoved up the Antonio nose and Antonio grabbing Lovino's face.

Simultaneously, the two removed their hands from the other, and Lovino wiped his fingers in the Spaniard's shirt.

"Ewww..."

"Shut up, I should be the one grossed out!"

"But you did it on purpose~"

"I did not!"

"You look like a tomato~" Antonio cooed even more.

"I don't!"

Then the Spaniard laughed. Laughed real hard.

"H-Hey... why so sudden?"

"Cause it's funny! You never fail to amuse me, Lovi."

"I don't feel a bit honored."

"But really... I was very nervous that things between us would be so different after all these years... So," Antonio glanced at Lovino, smiling serenely. "Thank you... for making me feel at home, that is."

"Toño! Lovino! Food's waiting!" Mrs. Carriedo called again.

Antonio walked to the door. "Come on Lovi, I've missed Mama's cooking."

"Toni."

He looked back.

"Welcome home, bastard," Lovino said, grinning. He could feel his cheeks glowing though. But it doesn't matter, the Spaniard in front of him wasn't far from red either.

And they finally went to the dining area.

_So I wasn't the only one, huh. Well, it's nice to know._

Lovino Vargas is what you could describe as both lucky and unlucky guy. Lucky, because after a big fire in their house, he survived. Unlucky because only he and his little brother survived the incident. And then they have to be separated into different adopting families. Luckily (again), the houses of the adopting families were just close to each other. Unluckily (again), the other family with the smaller brother decided to move in to Austria for good.

Which leaves Lovino to the Carriedos. Now the Carriedo is an average family, with an average loving mother, average cold-blooded father and an average cheerful son who can be loving and cold-blooded alternately. Mr. & Mrs. Carriedo and Antonio (the son, if you still hadn't realized) became in good terms with Lovino in their own different ways.

For one, while Mr. Carriedo isn't very much fond of his real son (don't ask me, something about the lion pushing his cub on a mountain cliff or something thingie), he is very playful towards Lovino (but not in a good way, as well). He just helped the little Italian make his little Spaniard's life a living hell when the two children weren't in good terms yet. And yes, he was the one who almost thought Lovino how to smoke. Got caught by his wife, apparently who snapped his tube pipe into two right away.

Then, for Mrs. Carriedo... (seriously, I still have to explain?) being a good mother and a nice person in general, Lovino can't help but be smitten by her charms. Besides, her chocolate cakes are always delicious.

Then for Antonio. Let's say, it didn't start that well. You see, the little Spaniard was the most oblivious bastard Lovino has ever met, that his drastic actions were never thought of and thus, always ends up snapping most of Lovino's nerves. Like, on that time when Lovino was still trying to process the least embarassing and tearless way to say goodbye to his brother (it takes a long time, by the way), the jerk was way too happy to let them some alone time and quickly shoved Lovino to their house as soon as he muttered a 'B-Bye', announcing something about 'FINALLY~ A BROTHER!'

Another thing is that Antonio seemed to regret that happy announcement right away when Lovino proved to be a difficult and clumsy child who accidentally and not-so-accidentally broke most of his toys. The only thing that's left was an army of identical toyboats (which were trampled by an English new-comer in the neighborhood, by the way). Well, you can say that Antonio was pissed. So much pissed that he walked out of the house and visited Gilbert (who was now the stepbrother of Lovino's brother, but he didn't move back to Austria with the family). Then he remembered Feliciano (yep, Lovino's younger brother), he thoughtlessly said that it would have been better for him if they had Feliciano instead.

Meanwhile, Lovino who was so guilty (yes, he is capable of guilt) that time, decided to apologize (he was that guilty that he actually wanted to apologize!) to Antonio so he followed him to Gilbert's and heard the Spaniard's thoughtless wish. And then his world crumbled.

.

.

.

Just kidding. He didn't broke down silly. He didn't wail. He didn't even cry. He just went home and asked Mrs. Carriedo if he could just please leave their house because he doesn't want to be a nuisance. Now, unlike Antonio, Mrs. Carriedo is a woman who thinks and she therefore assumed that they did something wrong to the pitiful child. But she couldn't squeeze any answers from Lovino who suddenly decided to be a statue or something that does not move nor speak (he was in shock, okay?). So the lovely woman asked herself, then her husband, then their neighbor's children (like hell she would ask Antonio if she's hoping for a good answer) and found out from Gilbert (after bribing him with a pet chick) about what Antonio had said.

That night, after ensuring Lovino not to think about Antonio's stupid slip, and that she loves him, they all love him very much and they would be very sad to lose him and then tucking him to bed, she had a good heart-to-heart close door talk with Antonio. Whatever happened that night was a secret to all but the next morning, Antonio kneeled in front of Lovino for forgiveness.

Lovino wouldn't say he had forgiven Antonio. He was a prideful boy, after all. But he had. From the moment that the Spaniard's trembling voice asked for it. And it amazed Lovino how easily he let him off the hook. Maybe because he was also wrong in the first place but... oh well, let's forget about that minor detail.

Anyways...

From then on, Antonio did his best to make his little Lovi feel his love. He cleaned his room for him until the Italian was cured from chorea. He let his little brother wear fancy clothes from his savings even if his own clothes are also tattered (Mr. Carriedo wouldn't buy for them from his money, so Mrs. Carriedo often sews for them, but it wasn't easy). He would also always play with Lovino, and/or plea/demand all his other friends to let the Italian play with them.

One particular game went overboard though, when the little cussing Italian boy (I believe it was Mr. Carriedo who taught him that c-word really) well, cussed. A big and burly Turkish national (seriously, they have a very international neighborhood) got somewhat offended, and Antonio had to step in (by stepping in, it means, "Don't hurt Lovi, you *insert c-word here*!" very gallant and stupid, actually) so Francis and Gilbert had to carry the Spaniard home that afternoon.

Mrs. Carriedo wasn't pleased at his wounds and bruises ("But I also wounded him, Mama! Even more!") though she did praise him for his valiant act. He even earned a weird pat on his shoulder from Mr. Carriedo. And that night, Lovino "showed" his gratefulness, in his own way, of course.

"Hey..." Lovino entered his brother's bedroom.

"Hiya, Lovino~"

Lovino walked towards Antonio who was already tucked in the bed. He hesitated for a moment, but seem to realize that since he's already here then perhaps he should get on with it.

"Does it hurt?"

"Oh, these... not really, hehehe..."

Lovino poked his bruised cheek.

"Ay!" the Spaniard winced.

"Don't lie," the Italian said bitterly.

"But I wasn't lying Lovi! It really doesn't hurt~ Well, I was just... uh, surprised! Yeah, I was surprised when you poked me!" Antonio cheerfully reasoned. He laughed awkwardly and there was an uncomfortable pause.

Then the younger boy broke the silence.

"Why did you do it, Antonio?" Lovino looked steadily on his knees.

"Did what?" was the automatic answer.

The Italian grunted irritatedly. "This! Why did you defend me?"

"Ah... I would always defend you Lovi," he answered solemnly. He sighed and continued while looking outside the window, "Because you are my brother. You and I are brothers," he repeated, as if more to himself.

Lovino just gaped at him, warm feelings filling his chest. But he still looks unconvinced. Antonio patted his head, then ruffled his hair.

"H-Hey...!"

"Don't worry Lovi, I'm fine..."

"Wha- Who says I'm worried! Shut up!" and Lovino bolted out of the room, leaving a chuckling Antonio.

_Brothers. We are brothers. Those words... feel kinda warm._

The next thing they knew, Antonio and Lovino is almost no longer seen without the other (except certain circumstances, of course, like classes). Lovino is still as grumpy as ever though, but he would also have a happy and decent conversation with others every now and then. As for Antonio, he was still the oblivious and obnoxious guy. It was an unusual combination, some believes that Antonio just forces himself to Lovino, but those who saw Lovino with the Bad Touch Trio (yep, Antonio, Francis and Gilbert) despite his outward hate to the other two who wasn't Antonio know otherwise.

Those were the happy days. They should have known that it won't last long. At least long enough for their pleasure.

As mentioned earlier, an English family decided to add to their already international neighborhood by the time that Antonio is 16 (Lovino, 13). Now, they had a child who was almost the same age as Lovino. He was also as grumpy and as burly as our favorite Italian. Except that he doesn't cuss vulgarly. And he's blond. And he has the thickest eyebrows that anyone had ever seen. His name is Arthur Kirkland.

Now Arthur's parents and Francis's parents were in okay terms ever since the beginning, (heck, all adults are in their own friendly terms with each other anyway) so they thought that Francis and Arthur would be, as well. How very wrong they were.

You see, Francis could be kind if he wants to. But when he doesn't want to, he isn't (it's really logical!). Oftentimes, he doesn't feel like being kind when he is with Antonio and Gilbert (those three won't be called Bad Touch if they are the kindest trio). And those three are together most of the time. So when Arthur added to the picture, he was the instant bullied kid (Lovino was an exception since Gilbert and Francis would be axe-sharpeners before they ever lay a hand on him). Lovino kinda pitied him during those times, when the three jerks would make fun of him. (Though he couldn't help but think of lines that sounded like 'the other two were just pulling Antonio in their crimes, but oh well Antonio is also a bastard enough to be pulled')

Vangeance is sweet and best serve cold. Arthur knew that very well, and he was also the one who taught Antonio that.

So one summer day, Antonio decided to bring his ships (the only toys he had, though he's already 17 these times) with them to the sea. The neighborhood kids (should they be still called 'kids'?) decided this excursion as their graduation trip, as well since many of them just graduated from high school (namely, Francis, Antonio, Gilbert and some insignificant rest). Incidentally, Arthur also brought his own toy boats and suddenly, everyone began cheering who would win (yes, they decided to have a toy boat fight).

And also, they had a bet. A bet involving dignity and pride and all those manly crap. But a huge wave swallowed Antonio's ships. It was kind of unfair, really, when you are aiming to fight a person, and then nature suddenly decided to interfere. And judging the smirk of the eyebrow man, he had it all planned. But he still rubbed it in Antonio's face that he (Arthur) won and that he (Antonio) ate dust. Or sand. Or saltwater.

Then things got out of hand when... I don't know. Perhaps something about a 'whiny Italian should just mind his own business' was said in a British accent. So, a Spanish nerve just suddenly snapped and there was a huge fight between Antonio and Arthur which ended with at least nine casualties. Once again, Antonio had to limp back home.

This time, none of the parents were happy. You see, things between father and son (the real one) had become more turbulent these days. Something about college and lack of money and failed scholarships. And then Antonio just had to have a fist-fight with the son of Mr. Carriedo's current employer. And more things that Lovino wasn't allowed to listen to because Mrs. Carriedo shooed him to Gilbert's while frantically trying to stop his son and husband from breaking each other's necks.

By the time he was allowed to go home, Antonio told him that he will be going to a dorm-school for college.

A week later, he, together with Francis and Gilbert, went to France.

_But he's back. He's back, and he won't be going away again._

At least, this is what Lovino wants to believe. Antonio himself said that he didn't want to leave this place ever. But he did say that he's planning to move out of the house again as soon as he finds a stable job. Lovino found himself cringing at the very thought.

"But I'll ask you to move out with me, Lovi," Antonio cheerfully said. But then, he somehow realized how wrong that sounds so he added, "But only if y-you want t-to!" And then he awkwardly laughed again.

_Now, what was that?_

The next days that followed were somewhat blurry. There seemed to be lots of catching up to do (or so Antonio thought) so the Spaniard scheduled a d-d-date or two on the following weekend.

"Don't call it a d-date, dammit!"

"Why not?" Antonio asked him (cutely).

"It just sounds so wrong!"

"Why? We're brothers. We'll just have a simple brotherly date, silly," he brushed it off just like that. "Or... do not you want a simple brotherly date?" he asked Lovino, his face inches from the Italian and Lovino found himself trapped in bright green orbs.

Lovino just flushed in embarassment. Antonio was never this husky to him before! He never remembered the Spaniard being this... this... flirty, God damn it!

The Spaniard seemed to also realized this and withdrew himself quickly.

"Heh! I was just kidding! Of course you wouldn't even think about that, right Lovino? Aha ha ha," that awkward laugh again. Lovino's is starting to dread those.

"Y-Yeah. Of course, n-not..." he avoided Antonio's gaze.

_Who is that guy just now?_

Antonio found a job sooner than Lovino could have expected. He was instantly hired as a Nursery teacher in the town's Day Care Center. So he was also barely in the house. Meanwhile, Lovino is contemplating about which university he should attend for college. There was this nearby school where Lovino was granted a culinary scholarship but he was still waiting for other schools' (hopefully) more convenient responses. After all, he doesn't want to be a burden to the Carriedos any further.

One time, he decided to take a stroll in the park while waiting for the post office to open (it was across the park). Call him a paranoid parrot but Lovino really has serious problems regarding his nerves so when he realized that the response letter would be arriving that day, he decided to take it from the post office himself than wait for the mailman. So when a Mail Truck stopped in front of the post office, then drove away later, Lovino dashed his way to the building.

After a few minutes, he was walking home with a letter in his pocket, whistling to calm his nerves. He's yet to open it, though. He wants to do it in private.

"Lovi!"

Lovino turned, guessing the caller. Only Mrs. Carriedo and Antonio calls him that. And the voice didn't sound girly to him. So, yeah right, that was Antonio running to him.

"Good to see you, where have you been?"

Antonio was wearing a frilly and pink apron, smudged with finger paints and other goo. He realized that he had just passed by the Day Care Center where Antonio works.

"The post office," he answered curtly.

"Oh, so you finally got your letter?" Antonio asked a bit nervously.

Lovino hesistated. If he answered honestly, the Spaniard would bug him about it. And he doesn't want that.

"N-No," he said quietly. "I haven't."

"Ohhh, then it's settled then," Antonio cheerfully announced.

"Huh? What's settled?"

"You will be taking the culinary scholarship, right? After all, it's already a good choice~"

What? So Antonio was implying that he might have failed? That bastard... Lovino thought.

"Maybe..." he just shrugged.

"That's great, Lovi. You see, the apartment I've found is near your college so it will be nice to move out with me~"

"What?"

"Haven't I told you? I've found an apartment. Well, actually, a parent offered that place to me, so..."

But Lovino is no longer listening. His thoughts were in chaos. He thinks that Antonio seems to have all of this planned, that moving out with Antonio would relieve Mr. & Mrs. Carriedo of him, and that living with Antonio sounds... nice.

"I know, let's visit the place on our date!"

"I haven't said I agreed yet!"

Antonio's face visibly fell.

"But yeah fine, I'm going with you, then I'll decide!" Lovino added hastily and the Spaniard became happy again.

_Living with him. Living with him. Why do I seem to look forward to that?_

Lovino is bored. It's Thursday afternoon and he has nothing left to do. And to think that there's still Friday before Saturday... Why can't time just move fast? Damn it.

The letter lay forgotten on the bedside table. Lovino already opened it and found out that he has also passed a full music scholarship in an Austrian school. And the said school was a dorm-school. Anyways, he still has a good seven days to e-mail a response, and his ticket would arrive at the ninth. But somehow, culinary sounds a bit better now to him.

Okay, pathetic excuses. Since he already has one, why not make another? The Italian pranced out of the room and into the streets. Soon enough, his feet brought him to the Day Care Center. He peeked over the rosebushes to look for Antonio but he doesn't seem to be...

"Hey Lovi, what are you doing here?" Antonio's voice asked from behind him.

"Chigyyyaaa!" Lovino shrieked.

It took a couple of minutes to calm the Italian down.

"So... you just passed by here again when you come home from the post office to see if there's a letter for you already," Antonio explained to himself.

"Y-Yeah, right."

"Okay~ so, since you're already here, let's go home together! I'm just waiting for Little Luke's sister to go and fetch him anyways," Antonio cheerfully said as he gestured on a very rich-looking boy who is playing with his iPhone.

"Okay..."

"So, Lovi, what do you want to talk about?"

Antonio would always that question whenever he is trying to strike a deep conversation. It was as if he is inviting the Italian to ask him questions that he will always honestly answer.

"Well... Tell me, how did you choose your college course?"

It was a question that Lovino failed to ask him before he left, and it has bugged him ever since. Besides, Antonio's answer might help him in his current dilemma.

"I really love children, Lovi. But it's not like I've always had. You just made me realize that hidden part of me," Antonio answered serenely.

"Huh? But how?"

"You became my brother, that's how," he answered shortly. But then he added, "You made me want to protect you, to nurture you, to care for you. And the next thing I know, I was craving for that duty. Which makes me what I am now."

"Thats-" Lovino didn't know what to say to this. At least something not embarassing. He was overwhelmed.

"I bet they like you very much," Lovino finally said in a small voice, his ears redenning faster than the traffic lights.

But Antonio was also blushing. "T-Thanks..."

"Antonio," a sweet voice suddenly called. They turned to see a blond young woman with a cat grin on her face. She is one of the few girls that Lovino could classify as pretty.

"Bella, hola!" Antonio greeted politely.

"These are some leftover cakes from Luke's birthday last night, so, please take it," she handed him a cute basket.

"Wow, thanks~"

"I'll be taking Luke home, now. Thank you for your hard work," she bowed politely.

"It's my pleasure," Antonio swiftly brushed it off.

"By the way, Daan would be fetching Luke tomorrow."

"Is that so," Antonio seemed a bit disappointed.

"Oh, see you on Saturday, then," and she finally waved goodbye.

Lovino seemed out of place all the while Antonio is talking with Bella. but he spoke up when she left,

"She's pretty and nice," Lovino commented a little bit coldly.

"Yeah, but she already has a boyfriend," Antonio quickly said. Lovino can't help but think that the Spaniard emphasized the last word. Is he bitter or something?

"Well, that's really given," Lovino said dismissively. "But why are you seeing her on Saturday?"

"We'll be seeing her Lovi," the Spaniard corrected. "She's the one who offered the apartment," he explained.

"Oh. Okay," not at all sounding okay. There was some weird feeling in his stomach.

They walked home together but both was careful to avoid the issue.

That night, after refusing the desserts (yup, the cake), Lovino lie awake on his bed and thought about the things that happened that afternoon. Why did he feel somewhat irritated with that girl 'Bella'? Why did he felt annoyed that Antonio seems disappointed that the girl already has a boyfriend? And why does everything that has something to do with Antonio affects him so much?

_Actually, I have a vague idea. But it's just so wrong._

"So, you want to ask me something, Lovino?" Francis carefully scrutinized the younger boy in front of him.

"No," was the automatic answer. "I mean yes."

Francis raised an eyebrow. By the looks of it, Lovino who is currently fidgeting all over the place is not planning to ask him what's he's supposed to ask anytime soon. He sighed and tried to give Lovino a push.

"Is it about Antoine?"

The blond expected the Italian to deny, to cuss and even to attempt to flip their table. But the boy merely blush and sank in embarassment. This is fun, the man thought.

"So, what about my dear friend?"

"I-I d-don't know," Lovino stuttered. "It's just-It's just, I get these wobbly feelings whenever I'm around him a-and it irritates m-me or s-sometimes, it feels kinda w-warm and..."

His voice faltered and completely faded away. He doesn't mean to blurt it oit that way, the French creep might speculate some weird stuff about what he said... and knowing the Frog, he probably had.

"But that's just natural," Francis quietly said.

"What part of it?" Lovino snapped.

"Of course you'd feel different," the older man patiently explained.

"That's the unnatural part."

"But you're one fine man now, Lovino. So is Antoine."

"We're siblings!"

Francis sighed. Lovino is making things difficult for both of them.

"Has dear Antoine already told you how many times I tried to abduct you and make you my own little brother?" Francis asked boredly, as if it was a very natural thing to ask.

Lovino knew about this, so he nodded.

"My family could have supported you better, the Carriedos know that. But they held on. Even when Mr. Carriedo had troubles in his job, Antonio wouldn't let them give you away," Francis continued. "He confronted his father and things didn't go so well and you know the next part of the story."

Lovino gulped. So that was why Mrs. Carriedo shooed him away to Gilbert's.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"It's a sort of a hint, really. I don't want to be the one telling you this and that, but oh well. It all comes down to this..."

"...what?"

"Don't ever hurt Antoine."

_Now what the hell was that?_

Lovino's appointment with Francis was far from what he had expected. The Italian was only asking the L'amour adviser what those feelings meant but the Frog confused him even more. Worse, more negative emotions was added to his system. Like guilt.

Then there's still his confusion about his college. Antonio's advice inclines him to go to Austria. But his offer to live together also seems... well, okay. More than okay, whatever. He still needs an answer. He fell asleep thinking about those things.

Saturday arrived. Lovino woke up a tad too early for his liking, and he doesn't feel like getting up any soon. Sure, the morning light was already peeping through his windows and by the looks of it, it must have been seven in the morning already. But Lovino remained lying on his bed, silently thinking about the thing he had these past few days.

Three years, and everything now felt so different.

Three years... has it been that long?

Lovino heard Antonio's bedroom door open and close. Great, the bastard was already awake. Well, he could do some morning activity. And so he got up.

"Yo, Lovi... good morning," Antonio greeted him.

"Yeah, morning," Lovino greeted back lazily. "What's with the guitar early in the morning?"

"Oh, this?" Antonio gave him a toothy grin. "I'm going to our tomato garden."

Lovino get it. When they were young, Antonio happily told him that plants grow better with music. So the two of them learned to play instruments (Antonio - guitar, Lovino - violin) for their tomato plants. It might have been psychological effect but the two really felt that their harvested fruits tasted better.

So they went to the garden, tended the plants and then played. In whatever way that music helps their plants, Lovino felt the same way the music soothed him. It was as if he was relieved of this world and got transferred in a more beautiful and serene place. It was as if he was in a trance. And whenever he finishes his piece, he was always smiling. It was one of the very few times that Antonio sees Lovino smile so sincerely, so peacefully. That must be why he would always ask Lovino to play his violin.

"Please, Lovi, play for me," he would ask, pouting cutely.

"Hell, no," was always the initial response. But after a few more requests, Lovino would give in all the while saying things like he's just doing it so Antonio would stop whining. But anyways, he would play and the Spaniard gets what he wants.

On the present time, Mrs. Carriedo heard their musical piece and served as an audience. She applauded them when they finished and invited them to breakfast.

After breakfast, Mrs. Carriedo went to wash the dishes while the two boys cleared the table. Feeling refreshed, Lovino tried to ask Antonio the question that has been bugging him since yesterday.

"Say, Antonio."

"Hmmm..."

"Why did you choose the dorm-school?" he asked non-chalantly. But he noticed the Carriedos (Mrs. Carriedo and Antonio, Mr. Carriedo is at work) visibly stiffen.

"Erm... Let's talk about this later okay, Lovi? I'll just have a quick shower before we head out," Antonio said. Lovino couldn't help but feel that he was avoiding the question, which Antonio never did before. Mrs. Carriedo wasn't helping either.

_Why is everyone so confusing?_

"Wow, Antonio, this place is beautiful."

It was, indeed. The apartment complex was at the heart of the city, with easy access to almost everything. Heck, he could almost see the whole vicinity right out the windows. And the room looks simply elegant, with its minimalist interior design. Lovino surely fell in love at first sight in the place.

"So, you really want it here?"

"Yes!" he breathed lovingly. "But why are you asking me the question? Aren't you be the one living here?"

"Haven't I asked you to move in with me?"

"Uhm, well, about that..." Lovino fidgeted. He still have no guts to tell Antonio about the dorm-school. The Spaniard seems to be expecting them to live together... Besides, it's not like he's decided already.

"So, about the dorm-school, Antonio," Lovino hastily changed the subject. Now, it's Antonio's turn to feel uneasy.

"Y-Yeah, what ab-bout it?"

Lovino remembered his conversation with Francis the day before. It made him frown, but he really needs answers.

"So, I talked with Francis y-yesterday..."

"Ah..."

Lovino saw Antonio scratching his head. But his face seemed knowing.

"I run away from home that time, Lovino."

"W-What-?" What the hell is this? This is so new to him! "Why?" was all he managed to say.

"I can't stand Papa any longer, so... that's why..."

Lovino still feels unconvinced.

"And so, right now, I'm freeloading at the house. I guess it can't be helped. But I'll be moving, say, next week and it will be running away from home for real," Antonio simply said.

"It makes no sense..."

"It does, Lovino. I had to be disowned by that damned bastard or else...!" He paused, meaning he had said too much. Antonio almost never swears, so Lovino knew that the topic is very delicate. But he can't digress.

"Or else what?"

Antonio stared at him as if pleading, pleading not to ask any further. Both of them know that Antonio never lies to Lovino, and asking further would either force him to break that pact or drop the subject forever.

"Good morning," Bella suddenly arrived. Antonio sighed in relief and turned his back to Lovino. "Hola, Bella~"

Lovino felt his blood boil at the arrival of the woman. Antonio was close to answering him! And stop making advances on him, you slut, Lovino inwardly thought. But then, why is he being j-jealous? It's not like he l-likes Antonio or something, right?

Right?

But the sinking feeling in his stomach tells otherwise.

"Are you feeling alright? You look awful," Lovino suddenly heard Antonio say from beside him. It seems the visitor has left. The taller brunette placed a hand on his forehead and the other on his own. "You don't feel that warm..."

Meanwhile, Lovino feels like dying on the inside.

_The color of his eyes, the shape of his face, the way he run his fingers through his curls... I remember all these things vividly as if those three years did not happen. But these feelings in my heart, I don't remember having them three years ago._

"We're brothers, right?" Lovino asked quietly.

"Of c-course! Why d'you ask?"

"You like us being brothers..."

"Absolutely, I can't imagine not being with my little brother~" Antonio fondly said. He patted Lovino's head absentmindedly.

Lovino bit his lip. He felt something block his throat.

"But why d'you ask?"

"'C-Cause, I also like b-being your b-brother," Lovino gulped but the lump on his throat remained.

Antonio stared blankly at him.

"We will be like we were before," Lovino continued. "Like these three years never happen," he looked at Antonio, pleadingly.

"O-Of course...!" Antonio said uneasily.

"Then," Lovino sniffed. "That's good. All is well..."

"Lovino."

Lovino stared at Antonio.

"You'll always be the same to me. Whether its three years... four, or another six," Antonio said. "We will always be brothers," he added, but Lovino can't help but feel like he is saying that last line more to himself.

_But I'm not the same as before._

Lovino decided to crush his new found feelings for his brother. Because it's wrong. He decided to mail the Austrian school for his decision that very night, before he changed his mind.

On the week that followed, the Italian spent his days trying to learn new recipes from Mrs. Carriedo (he might need them) and tending the garden. Antonio told him that they will be moving out that Friday so Lovino would miss their tomatoes so much. Though Antonio made sure to bring some ten pots with them.

Then the afternoons were spent moving their things to the apartment. They haven't unpacked yet, though. They decided to do it on the Saturday.

That Friday, Lovino walked from the park and arrived a bit earlier than usual so he silently watched Antonio playing with the children. Based on his happy smile, Lovino could say that the Spaniard is indeed enjoying himself. He really loves children. He would make a good father, Lovino thought.

"Oh hi there, Lovi," Antonio greeted him. "Why are you grinning?"

Oh, so he was grinning. He didn't realize. He morphed his default frown. "Nothing, bastard," and he averted his face from the Spaniard. Said Spaniard only chuckled and asked Lovino if he would like to eat dinner.

They decided to pass by a nearby family restaurant.

Antonio talked animatedly throughout the meal. He kept on telling stories about his kids at school and their cuteness. He really adores children. And like Lovino thought a while ago, Antonio will be a good father. Lovino just watched him contently and his cheerful talk.

Lovino scrutinized Antonio's features. His hair that's fashionably curly, his perfect tan skin, his beaming white teeth that could take any girl's breath away once he smile, and his emerald green eyes. He remembered those eyes shining brightly whenever they play music, or how they turn the darkest shade when Antonio fought with Sadiq and Arthur. Somehow, he imagined how those eyes also turned poisonous when he had a fight with Mr. Carriedo. He feared that color. And he hated the fact that he was the cause of that change.

But then, Lovino thought, if ever Antonio would realize his feelings for the Spaniard, would his eyes shine brightly? or will it be hollow and dark? will he love Lovino back? or will he be disgusted and leave him?

Those were the thoughts that made Lovino try to forget his feelings for Antonio. He couldn't bear to have the Spaniard hate him.

_I will be your little brother forever. I will forget this pain in my heart. So please, don't hate me. Please God, don't ever let my brother know._

"Stop staring at me, Lovino. Or else I can't restrain myself any longer."

On their way to the apartment, Lovino was a step behind.

"Lovi, stop crying," Antonio said when he faced the Italian, as he wrapped him in an embrace. "I didn't came back to you to make you cry.

"These feelings, I will never deny them. For a moment, I want to show them to you, even if it's not right.

"No one will ever know, because we are brothers," he whispered to the weeping Lovino.

"Antonio," Lovino held his brother face and faced him. He saw tears forming in the eyes of the Spaniard. "For one moment, please... let me want you. And please… want me."

Antonio's tears fell as he planted his lips over Lovino's.

_Only for now… _

Antonio is like the sun. Warm, bright, always full of hope. He loves everyone, and everyone loves him as well. Unlike Lovino, who always strived to be alone, Antonio is someone who will do better together with his friends, his loved ones and his family. Lovino is so sure about that. He could almost picture Antonio cradling a child in his arms… his child. But not theirs.

Lovino shuddered at the thought. But he set that aside.

He was always there for Lovino, always caring, always sacrificing for him. And he's willing to throw more things away for him. It made Lovino cringe in guilt.

Now that he thinks about it, Lovino couldn't find a reason not to fall in love with him.

_Antonio, how much have you been hurting all this time?_

Lovino woke up early. He got dressed and brushed his teeth. Before heading out of the room to fix his things, he glanced at the naked sleeping Spaniard on the bed. He smiled. He can't help it.

On the living room, he unpacked all his belongings. He took his smaller suitcase and repacked some clothes. He saw a familiar cardboard box. There seems to be no more room for the extra package. He left it on the coffee table. He checked the ticket in his pocket, took his violin and he was ready to go. He glanced at his watch. Six o'clock. He still has some minutes to spare.

He took a piece of paper and began scribbling. He placed the letter visibly beneath the cardboard box and went out with his suitcase and violin.

_First I stole his family. Then I stole his heart. But this time, I have to be the one to give. I want to give him the happiness he deserves._

Antonio woke up at ten. The first thing he noticed was the absence of the Italian beside him. He quickly jumped out of the bed and checked every place within the apartment, searching. He begins to seriously panic when he still haven't found Lovino after three rounds. Most of his things were also gone.

He dialled their home number. Hopefully (but he still hates it, if ever) Lovino would be there. While the other side was ringing, he paced to the living room. He saw a cardboard box on the coffee table with a yellow note beneath it. Funny, he though all Lovino's letters to him were still inside his rucksack.

He flipped it open and read.

Dear Antonio,

I got accepted at a dorm-school in Austria. I'll be living there for three years and perhaps, for good. Mama knows about this. Uhm, so, thank you for everything. And sorry, for leaving.

These feelings… I wish they will disappear one day. Because these feelings will never be right.

A single moment like last night was enough for me, because I don't want to ruin something again.

Lovino

**I didn't make Lovino or Antonio say that they love each other… Uhh… so… if this gets good feedback, I might write Antonio's part of the story 'cause if you look closely, there had been**** some open-ended parts… and also, I have another ending in mind though writing it all depends on the impact of this story. So thanks for reading…**


	2. Chapter 2

i would like to thank those who added this on their favorites, their story alerts, and had left a review :)

_When did this feeling started to grow? I remembered myself staring at those amber-colored eyes, trying to find a way to his heart. The next thing I knew, he has found his way to mine._

**NOTE: This is Antonio's part of the story. It's semi drabble-ish. Sorry for spelling and grammar errors, and my confusing way of writing. ****Writing this was harder than I imagined… There were moments when things turned out differently ****from what I was hoping for. ****So sorry if this sucks…**

When the Vargas mansion has been burned down, Feliciano and Lovino Vargas were left orphaned. The younger brother, Feliciano was almost inconsolable. He cried for days, asking for his grandfather, begging not to take his brother away as well. But it was impossible. The Edelsteins took him, while Lovino was left with the Carriedos. And he was destined to live in Austria with his new found family.

Meanwhile, the older brother, Lovino was always the cold one. He had been known for his grumpiness and indiferrence. And he didn't even shed a tear on his grandfather's death. He remained hard-faced while Feliciano was weeping on his chest. He did not even show sadness when he was separated from his brother. Antonio hated it. That blank face. Those empty eyes.

_I want to see him sad. I want to see those eyes tobe filled with tears. I want to see them to fall until they run dry._

It was his peculiar wish. He want to break the wall that Lovino has created. He wanted to see the vulnerable child beneath the strong façade.

But Lovino was careful not to let anyone near him, careful not to let anyone get too close to him. Not even Mrs. Carriedo, Antonio knows that. Lovino just chose not to push her away, but he never let her in either. As for the rest, especially Antonio, let's say that Lovino has his own way of making others angry with him.

Antonio doesn't hate his father. In fact, he loves him very much – as much as any son can love their father. But Mr. Carriedo doesn't always show his love for his son. To the point that it became questionable. Perhaps because he really isn't the showy type, unlike Mrs. Carriedo. But nonetheless, Antonio finds himself longing for his father's elusive attention.

And then, Lovino entered the picture. At first, Antonio was very happy to have a younger brother, enough to make him forget his wariness of Lovino. But as soon as Mr. Carriedo started giving Lovino the devotion that Antonio had pursued for the longest of time, he felt himself growing to hate the "outsider."

That's when the father and son started to fall apart.

And Antonio blamed Lovino for this.

_He ruined everything. _

Antonio loved his toys. He was a child, alright. But they were special. Because they were all from his father, when he was still the only child, the center of his world. Then, Lovino just had to break them. Just like how he stole his father, Lovino just had to take even the memories away.

_He ruined everything._

It was frustrating, maddening even. Why does he have to come to their life? Why does he have to turn everything into a mess? They were happy enough without him! He's just a bother. An annoyance. He was better off gone.

_He ruined everything. And he's continuing to crush the broken pieces._

"I wish we got Feliciano instead."

He said it without a thought. It's not like he meant it, but he sure did mean it either. At least half of it. He was angry and hurt. And he wants Lovino to be as damaged as he was.

But he wasn't happy that he has succeeded.

"Toño, do you understand the pain you had inflicted the poor boy? He just lost everyone, everything he has! He's still broken! And then you just had to make him feel unwanted. He already feels that without you telling him! No matter how much love and care we give him, it will never return the things he once had, and it's natural not to easily believe that what we are showing him is genuine. It's natural to take time for him to trust us as his family, and you just crumbled everything we tried to build."

Antonio never saw his Mama this angry and disappointed before. But still, he was angry and hurt himself. Why is Lovino getting special treatment? Isn't he the real son here? Why is he being neglected for an mere stranger?

"Lovino just lost everything he has!" His mother's voices echoes inside his head.

_Now he's ruined everything Antonio has._

To please his mother, Antonio apologized the next morning to Lovino. He didn't plan to be that embarassed and shaky throughout the process. He just wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, but his nerves were playing pranks on him. He wonders why.

When he looked at Lovino's eyes, he found the forgiveness he didn't sincerely ask for.

_They say the eyes are the windows of the soul. Could they also be the doors to the heart?_

Antonio found a new fascination on Lovino's eyes. Despite the frowns, the ever irritated demeanor, the Spaniard realized how Lovino's eyes could betray everything. Looking back, when he was thinking how hollow those honey-colored orbs were during his grandfather's death, it must have meant the desolation that the Italian was feeling inside. Somehow, it irks him how he never noticed them before. If he had, things might not have been this bad.

Mrs. Carriedo was right in thinking that everything they had done before has gone to waste. That is why Antonio exerted double-effort to make Lovino feel loved and accepted. Cleaning his room, paying for his clothes, playing with him and always being together. Antonio realized how he looks forward to seeing the sparkle in Lovino's eyes whenever they hang out, the gratefulness he so shyly shows. Before he knew, it isn't just about his want to make Lovino feel wanted. Somehow, he also wants Lovino to accept him. But he'd rather not think about it that time.

"Yer such a feisty little beast aren't ya?" Sadiq growled at Lovino while holding him on the scruff of his neck. "What were ye sayin' awhile ago?"

"Put me down, bastard!"

"No, not that. Did you just call me cu-"

"Don't hurt Lovi, you *insert c-word here*!" Antonio's blood was boiling. Boiling in an anger that he doesn't know where had come from. All he knows is that he doesn't want his brother to get hurt, and he doesn't want that Turkish bastard holding him roughly.

It didn't matter if he had to get dragged home by Francis and Gilbert.

"Oh my, Toño! What happened?" Mrs. Carriedo asked worriedly as she fetched her medicine box. Lovino just watched silently as the mother scold her son while dabbing ointment over his bruises. When Antonio told his mother the story, her expression softened.

"That's so brave of you, Toño. You make your Mama proud. But I don't want you getting hurt again, okay?"

"But I also wounded him, Mama! Even more!"

That very instant, Mr. Carriedo came and asked what happened. The little Spaniard was quite nervous over his father's reaction. But he just received a weird pat in the back.

"Why are you grinning dear?" Mrs. Carriedo asked incredously.

"It's nothing, Mama. I'm just happy."

That night, Lovino invaded his room.

"Hey..."

"Hiya, Lovino~" Antonio welcomed his brother, though he is quite curious as to why he was there.

Antonio watched Lovino walk towards him. The Italian hesitated for a moment, but sighed after a while.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quietly.

"Oh, these... not really, hehehe..." He can't afford to worry Lovino, and make him feel guilty.

Lovino poked his bruised cheek.

"Ay!" the Spaniard winced.

"Don't lie," the Italian said bitterly.

"But I wasn't lying Lovi! It really doesn't hurt~ Well, I was just..." he thought deeply. Come on, brain, give me a valid reason. "Uh, surprised! Yeah, I was surprised when you poked me!" Antonio cheerfully reasoned. He tried to laugh it off but it turned out awkwardly.

"Why did you do it, Antonio?" Lovino avoided his gaze.

"Did what?" was the automatic answer.

The Italian grunted irritatedly. "This! Why did you defend me?"

"Ah... I would always defend you Lovi," Antonio answered solemnly. He sighed and continued while looking outside the window, "Because you are my brother. You and I are brothers," he repeated, as if more to himself.

_That's right, they are brothers._

Lovino just gaped at him looking unconvinced. Antonio patted his head, then ruffled his hair. He's just so cute like this.

"H-Hey...!"

"Don't worry Lovi, I'm fine..."

"Wha- Who says I'm worried! Shut up!" and Lovino bolted out of the room, leaving a chuckling Antonio.

_He really isn't too honest._

After Lovino's departure, Antonio found himself thinking deeply over the question.

'Why did you do it?'

Why did he do it, really? He can't seem to remember. It seems that his mind went suddenly blank except for the strong desire to remove the Turk's filthy hands off his brother.

His brother.

They were brothers. So… it's only natural to be protective, right?

Right?

_Why doesn't it sound too convincing?_

Years pass and slowly, they begin to grow. Together, they watch the world change its colors.

"The tomatoes were also good this year, Lovi," Antonio announced as he placed a bowl-full between them. "The music must really helped them grow well."

"Yeah," Lovino murmured while chewing his tomato.

"Play for me, Lovi?"

"No."

"Please?"

"…no."

"Pretty please?"

"…okay fine, just stop whining."

When Lovino's drawing the bow, he looks beautiful. I think there's a very uncaring air around him when he does. Not concerned, as if he was in his very own world. It all comes out naturally. And he looks like he's enjoying every sound that he makes. Aside from the stunning music that he creates, the way he looks while playing is simply breath-taking.

And then that smile of his whenever he finishes a piece. It would have been enough to make any woman fall in love with him.

But I won't allow it. Because there's still many things that they will never know about Lovino, Antonio thought. His scowls, his potty mouth. Oh no, they would think of those as a flaw. They would never understand that those things makes Lovino even more beautiful. Like a delicate pearl, Lovino is just hiding inside the hard shell of his demeanor.

_Only I can take that pearl._

He didn't just thought of that.

Lately, Antonio noticed that he is becoming too possessive over Lovino. It's like, he doesn't even want anyone else around his brother. Or he doesn't want the Italian to wander off his sight. That being said, Antonio finds himself tailing Lovino anywhere he goes, whenever he can. Every class they have separated makes Antonio feel anxious of what his brother would be doing with someone else.

They don't know Lovino and how fragile he is. They are bound to hurt him. Antonio cannot let that happen. He must protect Lovino from those people.

That is what he always answers himself whenever he asks why he's feeling that way over his brother.

Which brings us to the point where Antonio and Lovino can no longer be seen without the other. For some, they think that Antonio just takes pity of his brother who doesn't seem to get along with anybody else. Unknown to them is the fact that Antonio enjoys the company perhaps even more than Lovino does.

Those were the happy days.

Ahh, how Antonio loves to see Lovino smile. But some good things never last.

_Failed. A single word meant to change everything he had strived for. _

Mrs. Carriedo said it was okay, but Antonio noticed how forced her smile looks. Of course it wasn't okay. That scholarship was his only hope for college without needing to make his parents double or triple their already immense amount of work. Mr. Carriedo stopped speaking to him altogether.

It was very hard on Antonio. He didn't want to fail in the scholarship as well, but he felt like everything was blamed on him. It was a great stab on his self-regard. He felt that he lost the ability to do anything right.

"See Antonio, now you know what happens when you mess with my pirate (boats). We will annihilate you!" Arthur said mockingly when Antonio's boats got swallowed by the waves.

_Good. Another spectacular way to show how deplorable I am._

Lovino got fed up of the Brit's arrogance and snapped, "Don't get so cocky, you eyebrow bastard! You made it so that the waves are againsta Antonio's fleet!"

"Just suck it up, you bitchy Italian wanker! I still won and your pathetic excuse of a brother ate dust!"

"Why you-"

Before Lovino even made a run to the offender, Antonio had already landed his fist on the shorter blond's cheek. And so the rumble began.

_Ahh, there it goes again. The desire to protect. To treasure him._

"Antonio! Why did you have to get into a fight with the Kirkland boy? Your father might lose his job!" Mrs. Carriedo bawled at him. She looks as if she's very close into tears. Antonio couldn't make himself look at his mother's upset face.

"The Bonnefoys seem interested with Lovino," Mr. Carriedo said from the corner. Suddenly, Mrs. Carriedo shot a reproachful glance at her husband and quickly shooed Lovino away. When sure that the Italian was out of the earshot, he continued grumbling, "I'm planning to let them adopt him."

"He's not someone you can just give, Papa!" snapped Antonio.

"We can barely afford your college education, we will just entrust him to the people who can take care of him better!" Mr. Carriedo snarled back.

"He's not like a puppy that we can just give to anyone else! He's a family!"

"You don't understand anything! You're just a boy, what do you know about a family?"

"All I know is that family stick together no matter what! Unlike you, I cherish that!"

Mrs. Carriedo returned to witness his husband punch Antonio on the cheek.

"Why can't you understand? With our current state we can only afford one son to support!" Mr. Carriedo beseeched his son.

"Then choose Lovino, Papa. He needs you more than I need you. Give me one week, and I'm no longer your son."

"Why are you doing this?"

_Why? _Antonio thought. The pounding in his chest was screaming the answer to him.

"Because I love him. I love Lovino."

_The answer has always been there._

"You… you don't know what you're putting yourself into. Either way, you'll really have to leave. You can't even live together anymore. _God won't allow that_. I won't allow that."

Mr. Carriedo glared at his son. Sensing conviction, he turned away.

"But you have to return," Mr. Carriedo added in a whisper only Antonio could hear.

Mrs. Carriedo quickly approached Antonio.

"Antonio, you didn't mean what you said, right? You wouldn't leave us? You wouldn't leave Mama, right?" she begged her son. "Right?" Antonio just buried his face on his neck and cried.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

After calming down, Antonio went to Gilbert and Francis.

"This is sudden, but I'm running away from home."

"What?" Gilbert asked.

"Why?" Francis asked, simultaneously with Gilbert.

"I have to. Or else they'll have Lovino taken away," by this part, Antonio glared at Francis. The Frenchman scoffed.

"So, what are your plans?"

"What plans?"

The other two raised an eyebrow each.

"Where will you go? What about college?" Gilbert probed.

"College is the last of my worries. I guess I'll just have to work."

"It doesn't work that way, mon cher. You're barely of age. You'll better be at a fine university."

"Don't you understand? My primary concern would be how to live away from home!" Antonio said, irritated.

Francis just tutted. "You're forgetting that you're good friends with moi."

And so, it was decided that through Francis's extra allowance, he would pay for Antonio's expenses in the same dorm-school that he and Gilbert would be going to and the Spaniard can just pay him once he got a job. Antonio was beyond grateful of his filthy rich friend. ("Hey, what about me? I'm your awesome moral supporter!" Gilbert lamented.)

Then they decided to go drinking for their eternal friendship.

"So, Antoine, mon ami, tell frere about your feelings for our pretty Italian boy," Francis purred.

"Huh? What are you talking about? We're just brothers…" Antonio, not feeling ready to talk about the issue, feigned indifference.

"Ohonhonhon, that's not what it looks to me. The way you look at him, dear Antoine, is that of someone who is in love."

Antonio almost choked on his drink.

"That's not true…"

"Kesesese, I agree with Franny with that!" Gilbert exclaimed after downing his mug of beer. "Yo, bartender! Another mug!" ("We are not in a bar, mon ami, there's no such thing as a bartender here.")

"See? It's quite obvious, really…"

"But I don't understand, it shouldn't be that way!" Maybe it was the wine talking but he was talking loudly now. Antonio's heart was beating so fast that he was afraid it might escape his chest. Why are they taking things so lightly?

"Ohhh, you don't have to understand l'amour, silly. It's a very curious thing."

"But we're brothers," the Spaniard said throatily.

"You can't be two things at the same time," Francis said. "You'll have to choose."

_Why did the idea of being lovers seem so perfect in my head?_

"But really, Antonio, you'll have to choose wisely. Or you might lose everything."

_I already know that._

That conversation was left forgotten afterwards. As well as the idea in Antonio's head.

That same night, Antonio decided to tell Lovino about his departure.

"Why?" Lovino simply asked.

"Well, Franny, Gilbert and I decided that we will go to the same dorm-school in France," he explained, trying to sound cheerful.

"Is that so," Lovino said shortly. It seems that he is not interested a bit about the Spaniard's parting. It stabbed Antonio a bit but he set that aside.

"I'll always write you letters Lovi," he cooed. _So you'll remember that I remember you._

"Okay."

"And I'll miss you everyday." _And I hope you'll remember me, too. _

"If you'll miss me, then why are you leaving?" the Italian snarled, revealing his unease. Antonio's expression softened.

He can't answer that. Especially when he doesn't want to hurt Lovino.

"I'm sorry, Lovi…" _I'm sorry for loving you._

_How many times has Antonio said sorry that time? He couldn't remember. All he knows is that 'sorry' is just a word. It didn't changed reality whatsoever._

_Everything is still wrong. Everything is still broken. He still has to leave._

Throughout the three years of being away from home, Antonio barely made it through. Once in a while, he would feel so regretful of the decision he made, he longs for the warmth in their house.

_But it's no longer your home._

There were also times when he would imagine if Lovino didn't barge into their life, where would he be at the moment? The mere thought made him even lonelier.

_If everything didn't happen, then I wouldn't have known the most beautiful man in the world. He might have ruined somethings that I thought were precious, but he created even better things to treasure._

At nights when he can't sleep in the cold bed, in the mornings when he's rather be one with the sheets, and in the afternoons when his feet wants to drag him back to Spain, he would read Lovino's letters. It was his only relief when the world becomes too cruel and painful to stand. He would read them, reread them until he memorized each word, wishing at least a part of Lovino is there with him to ease his sufferings.

_But it's wrong. This is so wrong. I have to forget about this feelings._

Three years… three long years to forget Lovino. To forget that he loves him.

Three years was such a long time. But somehow, he managed to survive.

On his last letter, Lovino mentioned that they might be fetching him from the dorm school. At last, after three long years, he would see Lovino! And of course, his Mama.. and Papa. Did he change? Of course he would have. It's been three years after all.

Did he become the fine man that Antonio imagined him to be? He would be stunning. The ladies probably swoon over him. But Antonio wouldn't want to think of that. He never mentioned having a girlfriend (or a boyfriend)in any of his letters so at least, Antonio hoped, that he haven't got one. But if he did… nah, Antonio can't bring himself to see that.

"I think they are here," Francis commented as a red mini-cooper stopped in front of them.

But he didn't need to be told, because in an instant, he caught himself looking on those golden orbs. God, Lovino was gorgeous, not different from what Antonio imagined him to be. He was so enthralled… that all the conviction he had these past three years seem to crumble.

_Why does he have to be so beautiful?_

He averted his eyes from the forbidden and caught the sight of his father. The man knew where Antonio's eyes had rested for a short while, and perhaps he had seen the look of l'amour that Francis has been talking about.

It has been three years. If nothing has changed, nothing would. There was an unspoken understanding as he nodded at his son and motioned the rest to the car.

"He was really eager to fetch you, you know? He really missed you," Mrs. Carriedo whispered to his son. "Oh, and of course Lovino…" she added off-handedly and skipped into the car.

The pounding in Antonio's chest was really hard. But he doesn't dislike it.

_Ah. I'm nervous. I wonder how much have changed._

After his fail attempts to try to strike a conversation with Lovino in the car, Antonio became more edgy around him. Everything seems so awkward. It's like every move must be refined, because he feels like if he got too close, he would realize that everything was just a dream (like the dreams he always had when he was in dorm school) and he would have to wake up.

"No worries, Lovi! I can manage!" he hastily said when the boy approached him.

"Shut up!" Lovino snapped.

And so he did.

"I... I-I m-mi... I m-mean..." Now he's stuttering, how cute.

Lovino looked up to see the Spaniard staring intently at him. Antonio couldn't help it.

"I m-missed you too," Lovino finally said. "Bastard," he added. Antonio can't almost stop himself from cooing at the charming boy.

He patted Lovino's head and then ruffled his hair, earning an annoyed "H-Hey..!" from the little Italian which he brushed off with a chuckle.

"You've grown," he solemnly said.

_Somehow, it saddens me that I wasn't there to watch his line of vision become closer to mine._

"Of course I've grown, you retard." Lovino growled. "What else would I have been doing these past three years?"

"Uhhm," Antonio hummed playfully. "You could be, hmmm, praying, cooking, tending our garden or, let's say, writing letters~"

"Wr-Writing letters?" the Italian flinched.

"That's right, writing letters. Like, ehem, 'Dear Antonio, I've received your last postcard, alright. Its really cold here right now, but I guess it's colder there, right? Don't get sick or else- gyahhh!" Antonio gagged he felt fingers snuck up his nostrils.

"S-Stop it, stop it right now, you b-bastard...!" Lovino shakily warned.

"But it's funny~"

"SHUT UP! It's embarassing! Why'd you have to memorize all those crap!"

"Ohh! How d'you know I memorized everything?" Antonio asked, thrilled. _He's really fun to tease._

"Damn it! It was a rhethorical question! S-SO, you actually-?"

"Yep! And I kept it with me all the time~"

"No, don't. Throw them away. Burn them!"

"But Lovi-"

"I don't care... Burn them! Or I would!"

"What about my postcards Lovi, did you keep them?"

_Oh, I wish he did. I wish he read and reread them like I did._

"Food's ready dears!" Mrs. Carriedo called from the kitchen. This stopped the bickering of the stepbrothers but suddenly they realized their compromising position. That is, Lovino still has his fingers shoved up the Antonio nose and Antonio grabbing Lovino's face.

Simultaneously, the two removed their hands from the other, and Lovino wiped his fingers in the Spaniard's shirt.

"Ewww..."

"Shut up, I should be the one grossed out!"

"But you did it on purpose~"

"I did not!"

"You look like a tomato~" Antonio cooed even more.

"I don't!"

Then the Spaniard laughed. Laughed real hard.

"H-Hey... why so sudden?"

"Cause it's funny! You never fail to amuse me, Lovi."

"I don't feel a bit honored," the boy said dryly.

"But really... I was very nervous that things between us would be so different after all these years... So," Antonio glanced at Lovino, smiling. "Thank you... for making me feel at home, that is."

"Toño! Lovino! Food's waiting!" Mrs. Carriedo called again.

Antonio walked to the door. "Come on Lovi, I've missed Mama's cooking."

"Toni."

He looked back.

"Welcome home, bastard," Lovino said, grinning. Somehow, Antonio could feel his blushing reflects Lovino's.

_Ah. I'm at home, at last._

Antonio tried, honestly tried to forget about hin love for Lovino. He wouldn't have returned home if he hadn't. He wouldn't have been able to face his father… But he knows that it was a vain attempt. Those three years weren't enough to crush his feelings. And now that Lovino proved to be really stunning, the feelings that he tried to slay just came rushing back. And it's even more intense than before.

It's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong.

"Why are you still awake, kid?" Antonio flinched at the raspy growl of his father from behind him. He can't sleep so he was trying to cool his head off first on the garden. He never expected his father to come and accompany him.

"I'm just - er - trying to make myself sleepy."

"Hmmm… remember when I told you that you'll have to return?"

Antonio did. It was the very first time that Antonio felt that he father truly loves him.

"You returned too early," Mr. Carriedo huffed. Antonio realized that his father is talking about his still unsorted feelings for the Italian.

"…I'm sorry."

"Your mother and your brother had too much of your apology for these past three years. I'm not allowing you to make them any sadder."

He felt guilty.

"You'll have to leave again."

"Y-Yeah."

"But this time, you have to bring everything you failed to take with you before."

Antonio glanced at his father, only to find his back disappearing in the darkness of the night. He felt warm behind his eyes. As the tears fall, he felt most grateful and lucky to have the greatest father in the world.

"What do you mean you're moving out again?" Gilbert increduously asked.

"Weren't you happy to be reunited with your family? With Lovino?" Francis inquired.

"I am most happy, of course. But it's not yet time for me to return home."

"Did you get kicked out again? Man, your old man really hates you."

"Nah. It's not like that. He even told me that I can bring everything I left before."

"Cool. That man's off his rocker, alright."

"So you're going to take Lovino with you, mon cher?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Do you think he'll come?"

_Oh. I didn't think of that._

"Stop being so negative, Franny. I'm sure Lovino would want to live with Antonio, as well."

"I-I'll try asking him."

_I'm so stupid. I've forgotten about the most essential part!_

Lovino and Antonio are brothers. They have been brothers for more or less six years. And even though Antonio had loved Lovino for some time now, it doesn't mean that the Italian would readily love him back. He doesn't even know if Lovino swings that way! He'd have to be careful or else Lovino might hate him forever.

_That's what you get for jumping to conclusions._

It's decided then. He has to act normal. He need not rush everything, and risk Lovino being disgusted with him. Besides, wasn't he contented with the way they were before? That's right. It has been enough for Antonio to be Lovino's older brother. Whether or not Lovino would return his feelings is not significant. What's important is that the two of them can be together now. Even if that means that they will just and always be brothers.

_I don't want to lose him. Again._

One morning, Antonio found Lovino holding a letter.

"Hey, what's that?"

"Letter from the university," Lovino answered in a small voice. His hands were trembling as he reads the mail. Antonio joined him in his reading.

"Culinary scholarship… Woah! Isn't that nice? Congratulations!"

The Italian blushed. "T-Thanks…"

"That school, it's in the city, right? I'm planning to rent an apartment near the city, you know!"

"What? You're moving out again!" Lovino asked loudly that Antonio was speechless for a moment.

"But I'll ask you to move out with me Lovi," Antonio announced cheerfully. Great, he now has a good reason to take Lovino with him. However, the Italian just gaped at his announcement. Uh-oh.

"But only if y-you want t-to!" He added hastily and tried to laugh it off. In the end, he didn't get Lovino's approval (or disapproval) for that matter.

_That was close. _

For the next few days, Antonio tried to be more cautious around Lovino. Sometimes, he even tries to recall how he used to treat his little brother. However, despite his efforts to act natural, there still comes a few slips. Somehow, some things just don't seem to be the way they were before.

"Hey Lovi, are you free on Saturday?" Antonio asked casually. They were watching the television together.

"Why?"

"Well, there are still many catching ups that we have to do, you know! So, let's go on a date!"

Lovino face instantly glowed red.

"Don't call it a d-date, dammit!"

"Why not?" Antonio pouted. _Ah, this is fun._

"It just sounds so wrong!" Lovino spat.

"Why? We're brothers. We'll just have a simple brotherly date, silly," he said nonchalantly..

But Lovino was still flushed. How cute.

"Or... don't you want a simple brotherly date?" he asked Lovino huskily, his face inches from the boy.

Lovino just reddened even further. Antonio realized at once that he had crossed the line again. He withdrew himself very quickly.

"Heh! I was just kidding! Of course you wouldn't even think about that, right Lovino? Aha ha ha," his laugh sounding very silly. He noticed the Italian cringe.

"Y-Yeah. Of course, n-not..." he looked away.

_Calm down. It's just been three years. Our brother relationship can still be re-found. It will return for sure. And then… things will come back to how they were._

Antonio heard a familiar whistling as he was saying his goodbyes to his pupils. He felt his heart skip a beat and he quickly searched for the source of the melody.

"Lovi!"

Lovino turned to look at him. He looks very restless to say the least.

"Good to see you, where have you been?"

"The post office," he answered curtly.

"Oh, so you finally got your letter?" Now it's Antonio's turn to be a bit uneasy. Lovino was waiting for a reply of another school. If he chose that other school, his plans of living together would be gone.

"N-No," he said quietly. "I haven't."

"Ohhh, then it's settled then," Antonio cheerfully announced.

"Huh? What's settled?" Lovino asked, puzzled.

"You will be taking the culinary scholarship, right? After all, it's already a good choice~"

Lovino gawked at him for a moment. He has to remain smiling… "Maybe..."

"That's great, Lovi. You see, the apartment I've found is near your college so it will be nice to move out with me~" he said excitedly.

"What?"

"Haven't I told you? I've found an apartment. Well, actually, a parent offered that place to me, so..."

Antonio droned on and on while Lovino seem to be thinking deeply.

"I know, let's visit the place on our date!"

"I haven't said I agreed yet!" the Italian suddenly snapped.

_Oh._

"But yeah fine, I'm going with you, then I'll decide!" Lovino added hastily.

Antonio was very glad. His dream of living with Lovino is becoming clearer. How he wished that the days would run quicker until the time they move together.

But it was still Thursday. And there is still a Friday after that. But oh well, he had waited for three years for this. Three more days won't do him any harm.

That afternoon, he found a familiar Italian hiding in the bushes.

"Hey Lovi, what are you doing here?" he asked from behind Lovino.

"Chigyyyaaa!" Lovino shrieked.

A couple of minutes later, the Italian finally calmed down.

"So... you just passed by here again when you come home from the post office to see if there's a letter for you already," Antonio repeated Lovino's expalanation to himself.

"Y-Yeah, right."

"Okay~ so, since you're already here, let's go home together! I'm just waiting for Little Luke's sister to go and fetch him anyways," Antonio cheerfully said as he pointed the boy sitting on the swing.

"Okay..."

"So, Lovi, what do you want to talk about?"

He wanted to act casual. The Italian seem hesitating for a moment though.

"Well... Tell me, how did you choose your college course?"

Antonio never expected the question. But he has an answer though.

"I really love children, Lovi. But it's not like I've always had. You just made me realize that hidden part of me," Antonio answered serenely. It was true. The moment he arrived at the school in France, his course made him remember Lovino so he chose it instantly.

"Huh? But how?"

"You became my brother, that's how," he said. Then he paused for a bit to reminisce. "You made me want to protect you, to nurture you, to care for you. And the next thing I know, I was craving for that duty. Which makes me what I am now."

"Thats-" Lovino seems speechless at that.

"I bet they like you very much," Lovino finally said in a small voice, his ears redenning faster than the traffic lights.

But Antonio was also blushing. Somehow, it felt like Lovino is saying that he liked Antonio very much. "T-Thanks..."

"Antonio," a sweet voice suddenly called. They both turned to see a woman with a cat-grin.

"Bella, hola!" Antonio greeted politely.

"These are some leftover cakes from Luke's birthday last night, so, please take it," she handed him a cute basket.

"Wow, thanks~"

"I'll be taking Luke home, now. Thank you for your hard work," she bowed politely.

"It's my pleasure," Antonio swiftly brushed it off.

"By the way, Daan would be fetching Luke tomorrow."

"Is that so," Antonio was a bit disappointed. He was hoping not to see the Dutchman again.

"Oh, see you on Saturday, then," and she finally waved goodbye.

Lovino was silent all the while Bella was there.

"She's pretty and nice," Lovino finally supposed.

"Yeah, but she already has a boyfriend," Antonio quickly said, emphasizing the last word. Oh no. Is Lovino taking interest with her? Antonio suddenly felt furious.

"Well, that's really given," Lovino said dismissively. "But why are you seeing her on Saturday?" Tsk. Is he being jealous of Antonio?

"We'll be seeing her Lovi," the Spaniard corrected. "She's the one who offered the apartment," he explained.

"Oh. Okay."

They walked home together but both was careful to avoid the issue.

_I thought I can stay loving him only as a brother. But I can't. Imagining him with another person is painful. It hurts._

Friday come and go without Lovino passing on the Day Care Center. Antonio can help but feel like there's something wrong.

His agitation lasted until Saturday that he woke up earlier than usual. He glanced at his wall clock and read, 7:02. He can no longer go back to sleep, might as well get up. As he walks to the door, he noticed his guitar. It remained of good condition even after three years. It makes him happy that Lovino took a good care of it for him.

When he walked out the door, he saw Lovino come out of his room as well.

"Yo, Lovi... good morning," Antonio greeted.

"Yeah, morning," Lovino greeted back lazily. "What's with the guitar early in the morning?"

"Oh, this?" Antonio gave him a toothy grin. "I'm going to our tomato garden."

It's been three years since Antonio watched and listened to Lovino's music. He guess he must brace himself to fall in love all over again.

Antonio remembered himself always wanting to watch lovino as he engages himself with music. He remembered thinking how beautiful he was when he draws the bow. He remembered him adoring Lovino's smile.

And then he remembered how he wished to see Lovino cry when he first saw him. How he hated that empty expression on his face. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he didn't actually want to see his crying face. Maybe he just wanted to see an expression, an emotion on his blank face back then.

Why though? Why would he want that?

_Maybe I was in love with him for longer than I had supposed. Maybe I was already in love with him back then._

When they finished their piece, Mrs. Carriedo invited then for breakfast. After they finished their meal, Lovino asked the strangest question.

"Say, Antonio."

"Hmmm..."

"Why did you choose the dorm-school?"

He felt his breathing got hitched and Mrs. Carriedo also become a bit rigid.

"Erm... Let's talk about this later okay, Lovi? I'll just have a quick shower before we head out," he avoided his questioning gaze and quickly walked off to the bathroom.

As soon as he closed the door, he slammed his fist on the wall of the shower.

_I was hoping to forget that issue forever. He need not have to know…_

When they arrived at the apartment, Antonio was glad to see Lovino open-mouthed and amazed.

"Wow, Antonio, this place is beautiful."

Knowing lovino and his perfectionsit nature, Antonio seeked the help of Francis to decorate the place elegantly. It also helped that the area was at the heart of the city, giving beautiful views on the windows. It was worth every penny.

"So, you really want it here?"

"Yes!" he breathed lovingly. "But why are you asking me the question? Aren't you be the one living here?"

"Haven't I asked you to move in with me?" he pushed his luck.

"Uhm, well, about that..." Lovino fidgeted. He seemed to be thinking deeply. Antonio felt a bit nervous as well.

"So, about the dorm-school, Antonio," Lovino hastily changed the subject. Now, Antonio felt fully tense.

"Y-Yeah, what ab-bout it?"

"So, I talked with Francis y-yesterday..."

"Ah..."

_So that's what made him dig the issue. I have to make sure to show Franny my gratefulness._

Feeling that he no longer needs to hide anything, Antonio sighed and talked.

"I run away from home that time, Lovino."

"W-What-? Why?" Lovino was obviously shocked at the declaration. Antonio tried to search for an answer. As mush as he hates to remember that heated argument with his father, Lovino is waiting for his response.

"I can't stand Papa any longer, so... that's why..."

Lovino looked unconvinced.

"And so, right now, I'm freeloading at the house. I guess it can't be helped. But I'll be moving, say, next week and it will be running away from home for real," Antonio simply said. He doesn't have to tell Lovino everything, does he?

"It makes no sense..."

He huffed in irritation. Lovino is being too prying.

"It does, Lovino. I had to be disowned by that damned bastard or else...!" He paused, he had said too much. _Mierda._

"Or else what?" _He's not really giving up._

Antonio stared at him pleadingly. _Stop it now, Lovi. Please. You wouldn't want to know. You wouldn't have to know._

"Good morning," Bella suddenly arrived. Antonio never felt happy to see the girl before. He ceremoniously turned his back to Lovino. "Hola, Bella~"

He could feel Lovino glaring at them. Was he angry because Antonio didn't answer him? Or was he angry because Antonio is talking to Bella alone? Whatever the reason is, he still can't bring himself to look back at the Italian.

But Bella didn't have all day. And she left quickly too. Antonio turned to see Lovino who seems paler than usual. He got worried.

"Are you feeling alright? You look awful," he said as he placed a hand over the younger's forehead."You don't feel that warm..."

"We're brothers, right?" Lovino suddenly whispered. Antonio felt his heart sink a little but it doesn't matter.

"Of c-course! Why d'you ask?"

"You like us being brothers..."

"Absolutely, I can't imagine not being with my little brother~" Antonio tenderly said. His hand found its way to Lovino's hair. He patted it. But he can't help but feel the sudden coldness of the atmosphere.

"But why d'you ask?" Antonio couldn't stop the question. Even if he dreads the answer.

"'C-Cause, I also like b-being your b-brother," Lovino said chokingly.

Antonio's mind suddenly went blank.

"We will be like we were before," Lovino continued. "Like these three years never happen," Antonio saw the plea in Lovino's eyes.

"O-Of course...!" was all he could say.

"Then," Lovino sniffed. "That's good. All is well..."

_He shouldn't make his brother feel uneasy. This is his answer to his feelings. So he must accept it._

"Lovino."

Lovino stared at Antonio.

"You'll always be the same to me. Whether its three years... four, or another six," Antonio assured him. "We will always be brothers," he added, more to himself.

_You will always be the same to me. And I will always love you like I did six years ago._

The next week passed with them moving their things little by little. Every afternoon after Antonio's work, the two of them would bring their cardboard boxes to the apartment. Antonio felt happy. He was still hurt but he is happy.

And he haven't noticed the significant look that Mrs. Carriedo was giving him.

When Friday arrived, lovino was earlier than usual to fetch him in the Day Care Center. He can't help but feel glad that Lovino seem to look forward to their moving out as much as he is. When he came to him, he saw the Italian grinning.

"Oh hi there, Lovi," Antonio greeted him. "Why are you grinning?"

The Italian must not have noticed that he was until Antonio pointed it out. He quickly morphed his usual scowl murmuring, "Nothing, bastard."

_He's so cute when he's embarassed._

Antonio brushed off the thought.

They decided to eat first.

During the meal, Antonio talked animatedly to Lovino. He noticed how apprehensive Lovino looked a while ago, so he tried to erase the unease by chattering away. However, he can't help but notice how Lovino was staring at him. He got nervous. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. Why can't his feelings take a break even just for a night?

_When did this feeling started to grow? I remembered myself staring at those amber-colored eyes, trying to find a way to his heart. The next thing I knew, he has found his way to mine._

Antonio found something in the Italian's eyes. Something he had never seen before. Something that he might have worn whenever he was looking at Lovino.

"Stop staring at me, Lovino. Or else I can't restrain myself any longer."

Lovino blanched. He looked down in shame. Antonio felt his heart break.

On their way to the apartment, Lovino was a step behind.

"Lovi, stop crying," Antonio said as he faced the Italian, wrapping him in an embrace. "I didn't came back to you to make you cry.

"These feelings, I will never deny them. For a moment, I want to show them to you, even if it's not right.

"No one will ever know, because we are brothers," he whispered, trying to stop Lovino's weeping.

"Antonio," Lovino held his cheeks to face him. Antonio saw his vision become blurry. "For one moment, please... let me want you. And please… want me."

Antonio let his tears fall as he planted his lips over Lovino's.

_Only for now…_

I seized his hair with my hands and kissed him. I slid my tongue in his willing mouth as I felt his hands seize my hair, too. He squeezed me, kissed me back, kissed me hard. He nipped my lips and our tongues danced in in passion, in desire.

I never knew that I was waiting for this kiss all along, until now. Suddenly, I felt myself rushing back to the first time I met him. That vulnerable child I so wanted to protect with all my might. That beatiful boy I so wanted to know better, deeper. This kiss had been lost in our innocence, because we are yet to know what love had meant. And now, here it is. And now, we are sharing it.

I kissed him with all my strength and with all I had.

I took off his clothes mildly and lay him down. I gazed at the body beneath me, and admired his magnificence. He was perfect, he was all I could hope for and I want him so bad. I entered him with both strength and tenderness that I could muster, hoping that he felt with every thrust how I love him, how I desire him, how I want to live forever with him. How I want to throw all of the world for him.

I held him close, making sure that this is all real, that I wasn't just dreaming to wake up back in the dorm school where he wasn't around. I whispered incomprehensible words to him in all the languages I know as we were both thrown into throes of pleasure and madness.

We reached our peak together, fluttered down together. We were both smiling, we were both happy that finally, we were one.

_It was… wonderful._

When Antonio woke up, he didn't find the Italian beside him. All he found was a letter addressed to him. After reading the letter, he felt his knees weaken and he fell down. But no tears formed in his eyes this time. He couldn't even bring himself to cry.

Because this time, no one would wipe them for him.


End file.
